When I first started my journey to becoming a parent through the beautiful (albeit sometimes challenging) process of IVF treatment, I was overwhelmed. We decided to find our egg donor first as we slowly navigated through unfamiliar waters.
To put it simply: finding a wonderful, generous, and ideally intelligent woman who is willing to part with some of her genetic material to help us build a family wasn’t easy. After viewing 3,500 egg donor profiles, we had found “the one”.
But what matters when looking for a donor? What should be considered and weighed heavily, and what doesn’t matter quite as much? After my own journey and years of helping others through theirs, I’ve created a guide on what I feel I most important when searching for the perfect fit:
1. Trust Your Instincts
You are going to happen upon profiles that don’t get you excited about this process. This has absolutely nothing to do with the lovely woman who is putting herself out there to help others in need. This has everything to do with you, your experience, and how you got here.
Pay special attention to how you feel upon reading an egg donor’s profile and viewing her photos. Does the profile get you excited about the process and creating new life? Or does it make you feel dubious and wonder if the potential child will even look like you guys?
As humans, we came into this world with God-given intuition and instincts. Follow them in this process. Trust your gut and let your heart guide you. I’ve seen it time and time again. Following your instincts will lead to where you are meant to be.
2. Cross Fit
When on my own journey to find an egg donor, I wanted someone that reflected who my husband and I are. I wanted to hold a donor to the same standards I held myself to when choosing a spouse and creating a family. Perhaps that is too tall of an order, but I wanted her to somehow fit in the puzzle I had created for this life. Whether it was an energy, look, or mind union- I wanted to feel she seamlessly fit in with us.
Enlisting the help of a generous donor means considering everything you can about her. Answers are a big deal on a profile. We wanted to really get a view into who this awesome woman was and learn about why she was donating. Her photos were another big aspect in our search. In a process where you can choose certain physical traits, why not do so?
3. To Cool For Egg Donor School
The truth is, where the donor went to school isn’t as important. Nature vs. nurture is a very real thing and it’s important to keep that in mind during this process. What matters is they completed school or are actively engaged in pursing a degree.
Many donors are incredibly bright, and just because they didn’t go to an Ivy League school does not mean they couldn’t have if their circumstances were a little different.
What matters is what the egg donor is doing with her life and her studies. What does she plan to do in the future? Take a look and how she did on tests, sure. But don’t let that be the ultimate deciding factor in choosing a donor.
4. Let’s Get Physical
There is no shame in wanting a donor with certain physical traits. Perhaps you have a lot of height in your family and you’d like a tall donor. Maybe your husband has brown eyes, but you have blue and would like to increase the chances of your child having blue eyes, too.
You are naturally going to respond to the appearance of some donors more than others. That’s okay. That doesn’t make you shallow. We all like pretty things. What’s beautiful about this life is that everyone’s opinion of what is beautiful is different.
Consider the health history of the donor, too. While the donor will ultimately undergo a substantial genetic assessment, if there are any red flags on her health history make sure and take them into consideration.
Most donors will have something in their family history that isn’t perfect. Whether it be an aunt or a cousin that had a struggle, keep your mind in check and realize that doesn’t mean much for your own potential offspring. Our incredible genetic counselor can walk you through any of your doubts, too.
The hunt for the perfect egg will present its challenges. Finding the right genetic material for you and your journey will take some time, but ultimately will help you build a family. Be patient, take deep breaths, and go swiftly in the direction of a profile you respond to.
Here at Elevate, we pride ourselves on a tailored, VIP experience throughout your journey. Contact us today with any inquiries on one of our lovely eggs donors or for information about the process.